encounter

i've been listening to one song these days all the time continueing
 'song for someone' 

it reminds me of the moment i saw you for the first time. 
you were listening to something which you said chinese music. 
you were working alone, standing showing your back, 
i couldn't see your face 
but you looked alone, away from other people, 

i don't really remember what i thought then. 
but unconsciously i felt, wanted to reach to talk to you, 
like my friend's cat which found me and came to hold me, 
i was magnetized to you 
even when i didn't know you; 
even without the fact that you love things what i love
and the way of life which i also love

i wanted to sit near you when we had the late lunch all together. 
so i did, and to know about you more, the things like above.

i didn't know why the idea came to me to visit the gallery i brought you after work,
i only thought it's nice for both of us, because i really wanted to go there to see the potter's work. 

the thing which caught my heart most was that
you were just looking up into the air around 
to feel the atmosphere of the mountain
when we were to go back,
cause i was the one who always does the same.
i felt you were the one who have the same soul i can share with.

i wanted to stay talking with you as long as we can 
on the way back to the station, 
so i was happy there were fewer trains and i could drive to the next station. 

all these things happened so naturally 
and kept me feel so happy staying with you. 

what an encounter was brought to me..
and it never fade in me.
you changed my life, literally

for joy

 

i was wondering why and for what i continue posting, 
sending messages to you. 
to make you pleased? 
for my confidence? 
to keep in touch? 
not to make you go away?

i thought if this is to satisfy myself, 
nothing should have changed if i quit for a while. 
i will find any tiny happiness in my own life, 
you will stay in me, 
and you will do your things with your free will any way.

but at the same time i wondered if you would talk to me then, if i quit, 
whether you worry about me and ask if i'm ok, (like i did) or you just go away, 
and whether it would cause myself keep waiting and get nerves.  
i have asked many times and still asking myself inside, 
if this is what my self wants to, 
if i want to keep you here and make you worry, 
if i try to force.

and then i feel i dont want to, 
i cannot force anyone and anything.

and i remember i have found myself 
as a person who searches the light and the beauty from the nature
and shares them to you and other people.



i'm only here for joy
not to suffer
 
so again i try to continue it, hoping you still like it.

it's all up to mine as you were me, myself, 
cause we are all here for joy, not to suffer.  

what a intuition you brought me.

見つめる this kind

恋は盲目というけれど


この愛は
盲目ではなくて
見つめすぎるほど観ている

そこにいなくても

つねに視線があって
自分を客観的にみている

厳しいようであり
全てを包み込む暖かさもあり
受け入れる広さもあり

だまっていても

全てを語る眼差しがあり
愛撫する指先があり

光があり
閃きがあり

気づきをもたらしてくれる
学びを促してくれる

そんな存在



love is blind?

no
my love (as your love)
looks everything
to the most

even if you are not here physically

there are your eyes
watching me carefully

it sometimes makes me feel hard to get over
but always fully embraces me with your warmth
totally accepting me with your wide open arms
letting me learn to your shoulder

even if you keep silence

there are your eyes
telling me everything
fingers touching me with your tender

lighting my heart warm and bright
brinking me with intuitions

always makes me learn and leads me the way
i can solve myself with inspirations
putting me high with accelerated frequency


you are this kind of love

who is in me

 

i want to be fair, even to my thought, 
to see it from the both side.

it might be not you 
who is triggering and making things happen in me, 
but only myself.
and i might be the only one 
existing in this inner world and making things happen.
i should and try to think every one of possibilities, i know.

but beyond that things still happen to me.

 
if there's nothing and it's meaningless that 
i feel your morning and night falling 
from the other side of the planet,
what makes my day? 

at the end it can be said that 
meaningless is much meaningful to me. 

and i cant go the other way, 
i only follow my intuitions. 
i only search for my light.

how about you?

parallel world

自分のことを知りたくて
自分の内に深く深く入るようになって
起きていること


 それはふたつの世界を生きているような感覚


意識がどこか宇宙空間を漂っているような感覚
頭の奥のどこかにいつも暗い星空が広がっている
その中でいつも何かを 誰かを感じている
失った記憶を取り戻そうとするように

日常が自分のものでないような
どこか遠くから眺めるような感覚になる

細々した仕事から離れて 自分に還るとき
車を運転していると
車中からの眺めが まるで映画の回想シーンのように感じられる
風景がゆっくりと流れていく
見慣れた風景のはずなのに
まるで 他人の視線で眺めるような感覚


そして  自分がどちらに生きているのかわからなくなる
この世界は 現実に起こっていることのはずなのに
自分の真実ではないような
自分は外の世界の人間のように感じる

そしてこれではいけない と思って
意識をこちらにもってくる
どちらの世界も大切にしたいと思う
そしていつかは ふたつがひとつになるように


この世と思っているところで起きてることは
すべて自分が作り出しているという
幻想という人もいる

それはよくわからないけれど
でも
意識がかわると世界もかわる
自分だけでなく相手も変わるから不思議
自分の態度が変わっているのかわからないけど
向き合っている相手もたしかに変わっていると感じる現実


do you sometimes feel as if 
you're watching a movie or a scene 
which you see from a place you are apart from?

these days i often feel that
when i finished some work and am going back to myself,
when i'm driving,
the scene from the window flows as if 
it's a kind of films so slowly going on. 
and the view which i know well seems like 
so far and strange to me....
i'm just watching as it flows. 
or even when im with some people...

then i feel wonder which is my reality, 
this life or the other

it's like living in two worlds

one, my physical world and the other
the space i always feel i'm floating, 
with dark quiet sky, or should i call it cosmic space, 
with full of stars...so deep and far beyond
where i feel someone, 
the one i share all of my existance
and something i'm holding in my memory deep inside

i say
both are my world
and i would live and cherish both
someday i hope the two come to one in me
 



those things, all things
are said, imagined and made by ourselves
it's said, kind of illusion, so real but can be changed so easily
and i feel that is true
when my mind has been changed things also change
even human, not only me but the others
it's surprising but it's true

intuition

今日、出会ったことば

「自分のすべてからの衝動」

頭で考えるよりも先に身体が反応するとき
それは魂が教えてくれる真実

 
涙
恐れ
震え
抱きしめること
どうしても受け入れられないこと
魂が身体をとおして教えてくれる


 
この言葉がすっと心の奥に入ってきたとき
涙がとまりませんでした


ずっと自分の直感を信じて
歩んできたつもりだったけど
どこかでこれでいいのか
自分を突き動かす衝動が
単なる刹那的なものでないのか
自信をもてずにいたのだと思います

やっと自分の直感を
心から信じることができました



思えばいろいろありました
失敗もたくさんしました
様々な出会いの場面で
直感にしたがって受け入れた人もいれば
違うなと感じて受け入れなかった人もいました
自分とは相容れないなと感じる人とは
その人の素敵な部分だけを見てきました
そうして今わたしのまわりにいてくれるのは
本当に素敵な人ばかりです
というか本当にいやな人には会ったことがありません
これも自分の直感にしたがって生きてきたから
引き寄せたことと言えるのではないかしら



過去に起こったことはすべて今に繋がっている
そして自分の描く未来につながっているのですね


それに気がついたとき
はじめて自分の行動を認めることができました
自分の決断を信じることができました

 
私の信じる存在は
私の真実なのだと

そしてこれから自分が起こす未来は
すべて魂が望む真実なのだと

my silver lake

down by my lake
in the shade of pine trees

the water, pale light blue green,
so clean
sand or water grasses can be seen below

golden dusts
twinkling as they catch the sun light
like fairy dusts


pattern of sun ray
slowly moves as i swim quietly

sense
with my pale hands stretched out
far and far beyond
white translucent surface of my skin

sounds and twinkles of
bubbles as i exhale little by little


just floating looking above the sky

hear
my breath
only its sound can be heard
and my song

sun light bright, white clouds, mountains far,
sky, mi cielo
even the depth or highest universe
might be seen
to the shore of my silver lake

 

毎とし 夏をすごす湖
岸辺の松の木陰

底まで透けてみえる水
ゆらゆら水草
陽をうけて輝く砂　妖精の粉

感じる
あかるい青緑の水
ずっとずっとむこうまで
青白い自分の手
白い肌は半透明のようで

口から漏れるあぶくが輝き
ぽこぽこ音をたてる世界

耳を澄ます
じっと浮かんでいると
自分の呼吸の音だけが聞こえる
あの歌をうたう

みあげる空
太陽 白い雲 その向こうの青い空
宇宙の果ての星までみえるような
銀色の岸辺を想う