雪のふる春分
人は出会いや別れを繰り返して
なんの為に生きているのでしょう
魂の学びのため
心に愛と感謝、平和をもちつづけ
この世を美しく輝かせるため
でもまだまだ自分は弱くて
人に依存していて 自立もできていなくて
執着をどうしても手放せない
ちっとも変わっていない
と いろんなことに気づかされ
日々感謝して生きていますが
本当はそんなの建て前で
魂の学びとか
そんなことどうだっていいじゃん
依存したって 執着したって
迷惑かけたって
自分中心だって
怠けてたって
願いをかなえて
幸せを感じて
好きなことだけして
楽をして生きたい
ただ人生を楽しみたいだけ
てあっけらかんと言いたいのに
やっぱり
人を助けたいとか おこがましいこと言って
お利口さんの仮面をかぶりたいのかな
嬉しい嬉しい出会いと
辛い辛い別れがあって
そんなことを思い知らされている春分です
なんて
考えだすと訳がわからない
弱さもさらけ出せる自分を演じたいのかも
なんだか計算高い人みたいです
ここまで吐き出す自分を
いやまだまだ出しきってはないけれど
ちょっぴり恥ずかしく感じる反面
癒されるから書いてるのかもしれません
そして涙は
毎日のように流れるけれど
寄せては返し
苦しみも悲しみも洗い流す引き潮となり
静かな浜べに あたらしい朝が訪れ
美しいひかりが届くとき
私はたくさんの愛で包まれて
微笑んでいることに気づきます
人生ってこんなにも素晴らしいって
そう雪にかすむ雲のむこうには
たくさんのひかりが
このあたらしい宙（そら）の一年
あたらしい季節を祝福して
降り注いでいると思うのです
そのひかりに包まれるとき
私たちはもっと高みへ
むかえるのかもしれません
結局 最後は
お利口さんになってしまいました
ここまでお読みくださり
ありがとうございます
spring equinox with snow
as reflecting my inner world
had so much struggles and tears
with delight of meeting
and sadness of leaving
but i know there's so much light
behind the shades of snowing cloud
embracing the beginning of year
when we notice that we’re
in the light of so much love
we can go up
toward the source of light
yesterday i woke up remembering the dream i dreamt
there were you living with me in my house
i was busy doing morning matters before leaving for work
busy morning of my normal daily life but with you
this morning i had a vision
that you were still sleeping next to me
i was waking up, seeing you in morning sun already light.
touching your hand and touching your face.
you opened your eyes, looked sleepy,
but smiling to me, as i did too.
the happiest morning ever
ever i've wished.
i don’t speak so many languages,
nor draw or paint so well.
i don’t really know how to grow plants,
and not work so much.
i don’t know how to be loved,
as you do all so well.
i’m tiny person, however
i know i still have something
that i can be loved as i am just me
you have led me to find it.
and you have something more.
it’s not what you’re doing
do you really think i want words like
'you are strong, smart, talented person'?
i rather want 'you may be small and weak but i still love you'
so i understand you don't either
although i'm so much proud of what you're doing
but rather
it’s just you are existing
wherever you go
all the way you give me the bliss
that i’ve never ever known and tasted before
why can it be difficult for you to know it
remember who you really are
that you radiate happiness
and attract people to yourself
as i am to you always.
i don't know how i can reach you
i don't know where you live
only the line you don't really answer
with messages you don't reply
i don't really know
when you come back
but why you send me so much heat
i only live with the feeling
you holding my heart
when i close my eyes
there's only one thing i can see
ever glows and makes me cry
it's your love like a secret song
untold and sheltered in your heart
never releasing my hand
hold my hands in yours
intertwine your fingers to mine
as they would never really be apart
hold me in your arms
gently or tightly
curl me up inside you
like a baby
naked as i was born
feel my skin through your heat
as it merges into yours
kiss me my forehead
your lips on my cheeks
my neck, my ears...
touch me where
you haven't yet
soft voice whispering
is it yours or mine?
which takes me into the place
where i can hear
only the sound of my little sigh
to which you ask what i'm suffering for
no it's too bright and beautiful
that i can only surrender
as we always can't see the end
close your eyes
as i do too
it is my lake.
how can i express this?
floating, sparkling, spreading...
into deep or higher
as it always takes me to the space
where we can share
all and ever inside us
like the night of shallow purple sky we had
we see the shining surface of the water
under the light of full moon
quietly and silently
without even speaking
we feel it the same
oh how much i wish you could follow me
and let me share you this
ever and ever
as we promised to visit there to swim in...
i go backwards till you catch me
